Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Hawaiian shirt Friday. Round 16.


I'm going to drop some knowledge bombs on you today, and while you may think this entry is tongue in cheek, I assure you, it's fucking serious. The best male fashion advice any modern day man can covet is that Hawaiian shirts are the most versatile, effective weapon for conquering the maze of urban society. Hawaiian shirt Friday is 6 days too short, get with the programme. For sake of consistency, I'll only give you 5 reasons, even though, 100 would easily be possible.

1. You reside above all subcultural and fashionable hierarchies. People are very judgemental and will critique you both on how well you are dressed based on their misguided scale of fashion and what subculture you are  visually aligned to. Hawaiian shirts do not reside on this fashion scale, instead, the shirt represents a satirical mockery of the very idea of fashion. The shirt also separates itself from subcultural attachment, making you an outlier, being an outlier is a good thing unless you tread the water of life like a scared virgin.

2. Gary Busey is not a scared virgin, he is a successful and very insane drunk who learnt that the visual band aid to alcoholism and mental instability is the Hawaiian shirt. You see, the second magical key to the shirt is that people associate the shirt with a sense of mockery, satire, tongue in cheek and lack of sincerity. Being drunk in public on a Monday, shouting at passing cars is a dire spectacle for any human being. Bear a Hawaiian shirt and you're now a fun loving dude enjoying the holiday of life and making us all question why we work so hard, when you get to have all the fun. In the photo below, Gary is actually not wearing pants, he was arrested on Sunset boulevard riding a child's bicycle smoking a joint with a backpack full of vodka. And do you know why he wasn't charged? Respect. Thank you for your teachings, Gary. Hawaiian shirt drunk pride!

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 3. An additional benefit to the Hawaiian shirt is that you can spill whatever you want on it and it actually improves the shirt. This is actually a very beneficial feature if you have been taking advantage of drugs and alcohol, because as we all know, drugs and alcohol make hand to mouth coordination questionable at best. See this sapling, what an idiot! White shirts are boring, dangerous and social suicide. I actually hate this photo, so I buffered it with boss times and cheer.

4. Fight cunts. If you get into a fight wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you can only win. You win, you win. You lose, you win, because, what type of misguided fool would hurt a fun loving guy trying to enjoy his sunny Monday. holiday. You, lying on the floor bleeding, look up in delight to see the crowds descend on your would be assailant for some good old fashioned mob retribution. Unfortunately, the photo below is a poor example because both men are wearing Hawaiian shirts which I imagine caused great confusion in the crowd, actually they both look like upstanding gentleman, even their friends do, I hope no one was hurt. Below was clearly the culmination of Hawaiian shirt Friday and too many drunk drinks.

5. You are no longer fat, you're fun. And you just know them cups a full of booze, even women want to be him.

Don't hide from the truth, this Friday or any day. Enjoy the drunk shirts of Hawaii.

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