Friday, 30 November 2012

Why marathon running is insanity. Round 13.

Some people ask the ether, "why on earth would you run a marathon?" I too, asked this perplexing question and couldn't answer it, so I thought I would enter such a race to see if an answer could be salvaged. Fortunately, I blew out my IT band in my knee while training so can never run a marathon. This is fortunate because I was soon to learn that I'd avoided many other horrible outcomes.

5 reasons not to run a marathon:

1. Bloody nipples. Friction is your nipple's arch enemy. All that rubbing leaves us all feeling sorry for you. It looks almost comical.

2. No bowel control. Go body fatigue! It's always extra runny and you want to get a good time so you keep running, but then it drips down your leg and starts filling up your shoes and thus begins the squelching. Then your foot slips on the pooh in your shoe and you twist your ankle, now you can't finish the race, and you're immobilised, covered in your own peanut butter.

3. Vomit breath. You will vomit, and it wont be enjoyable. It will be your body saying, "fuck you for the last 2 hours."

4. Bloody toes. Nom nom nom. No more shoe wearing this month, buddy.

5. No more IT band. IT bands run along your knee and are very important when bending your leg for such pastimes as brisk walks or marathon runs.  I did mine, and had to hobble around for 6 months like a damn cripple. 3 years later and it still ain't 100%.

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed ever last step of my marathon.. no bloody nipples or any of these unmentionable problems lol. Pretty sure id stop if I sh*t my drawers! Haha